First you went and got born, and then you blew away all my perceptions about being a mother.
You helped me relax and appreciate the boy, the man, in you.
You've made me laugh and be happy.
Now you've gone and turned 5.
You went off to school for the first time - happy and unconcerned. One small scared moment rippled across your face and you turned to me but I turned you back round and the moment passed.
It's been a big week for you - a party with your friends, starting school and then a gathering of the clan - and you are so tired. You struggle to articulate and odd snatches of your school life pop out at unexpected moments. Something someone said or did. Something you learned. Snippets without context.
Tiny windows into the processing your mind is doing in the background.
I know that despite all appearances you are working hard on making sense of all this.
In the last six months you've really grown up. When we went camping this summer both D and I knew you'd left that small child place. It was so obvious. You started taking off on your bike alone. Happy to explore, finding your boundaries, learning new things on your own.
It made me so happy to see you like this, it made me know that no matter what challenges you found at school, you'd find a way through them. I can't say I don't worry about you - you are still spectacularly gifted at hurting your head - but I am pretty sure your sense of yourself is rock solid and that's a wonderful thing to build the rest of life on. I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't change.
Our relationship is changing as you are getting older but I am thrilled to say you still love nothing better than cuddling, a shared afternoon nap snuggled under the quilt. You still giggle and laugh and kiss me like it's as good as it gets. I don't need to start feeling sad about the ending of your childhood yet, so long as you still want to sit on my knee and wrap your arms around my neck I'm good.
It's going to be a great year my darling boy, and I think you are going to be as happy as a pig in shit. I will be enjoying it all from the increasingly distant sidelines.
I love you , mum xxx