so

I'm not in New Zealand.

I haven't got jet lag, I'm not exploring a new country, I'm not enjoying a quiet family holiday.

I got as far as the airport before the last few days of feeling a bit unwell turned into something more substantial. A whole left side of my body going weird kind of thing.

So a whole day in casualty instead, with all manner of indignities (including two canullas gone wrong and blood on the floor), and while nothing definitive can be established it seems most likely that I had a small stroke. A mini stroke.

There are more tests to be had of course, no doubt months of diagnostic shenanigans lays ahead to try and establish if there is something underlying that needs to be dealt with. The long haul part.

I'm trying not to think about the trip we almost had, the presentation D was supposed to give, the lost chance to meet my almost sister in law, the meetings I had set up for my work, the trip we'd paid for and looked forward to. The tears the kids shed in their disappointment and the plaintive voice in the dark last night when Amy asked if we could go to New Zealand tomorrow instead.

For now it is time to take things a bit easy. To try and reign in my usual pace, to do a little less and sleep a little more. For me that's a substantial challenge.

Thanks to all those who sent good wishes via Twitter yesterday, I hope you will understand that I'm not sending out lots of individual messages. I figure a little less online life may be in order for a while at least. But it is lovely to know you are there and being so kind.