Saturday, 21 April 2007

week 10

On Monday I was a woman on the verge. The nights were getting longer and harder and I found myself at 5am walking around with a crying baby and feeling everything cave in on me. When you are really tired and you can’t soothe your baby at 5am the world seems like a very dismal place. There were tears. Lots of tears.

So Monday morning I drew a line in the sand and D and I decided it was time to break the mother only feeding bond. This was something I didn’t manage with Amy until much later. Perhaps it’s just sheer determination, but I seem to be better at expressing this time and through persistence Wil now takes a bottle. I won’t lie – expressing and bottle feeding comes with its own problems, but after just a few nights of sleeping for 7 hours straight I feel almost like my old self and happy to put up with the jump out of bed to madly express before Wil demands his first feed of the day.

We’ve worked out a routine that one of us does the last evening feed at around 11pm and the early rise with Amy at 7am, while the other goes to bed as early as they like and gets to sleep late, but has all the interruptions of keeping Wil happy through the night. We’re trying it out on a week to week basis. Hopefully by the time D has finished his long service leave and has to go back to work those sleep ins won’t be quite so critical.

So I’m doing the top and tail shift this week and not only am I discovering unbroken sleep again (thank the lord for ear plugs), but best of all I get to have that lovely morning time with Amy. She has been very happy too. We’ve missed each other. It’s usually a good time of day for Wil too, so we have cuddles and smiley time on the couch in between getting breakfast and clothes on and the dishwasher unpacked.

And last night when I was madly trying to get a few work hours in before bed and Wil started fussing, D gave him a bottle and he was quite content. The freedom!

It’s lucky all this has been going so well because the visit to the paediatrician on Monday didn’t go as well as I might have hoped. Yes, we got a script for the anti reflux medication, and it is having some impact on pain, but it certainly doesn’t touch the chucking and although it isn’t meant to I’m pretty sure it’s putting the whole poo system out of whack. So yeah, reflux is just something we need to accept.

It didn’t help that I was so tired and fed up when we went, but when we started talking about Wil’s dysfunctional snoz I felt quite depressed. While we are well aware of the problematic nature of nasal surgery, and all the reasons why we want to avoid it if at all possible, the lovely Doctor R agreed that Wil’s case was quite extreme. He wants to press the ear nose and throat specialist to consider some kind of intervention because he thinks there are significant risks if we do nothing as well, and he’s not so optimistic that growth will solve the problem as well or as early as we need it to.

He told us to prepare ourselves for the very likely scenario that when Wil gets a cold he will have trouble breathing and will need to be admitted to hospital to have some kind of tube or valve inserted in his nose to let air in. Go straight to casualty and tell them Wil is a patient of mine and Mister B’s and no one will think you have done the wrong thing. And if you can, try and go North for a holiday mid cold season, just to get enough energy back to make it through to Spring.

Soooooo, I’m really looking forward to that. It’s mid autumn now so tenterhooks are out and ready. And I’m looking out for some cheap airfare and accommodation packages for somewhere hot.

On the up side I am really exceptionally happy that we’ve found ourselves a lovely, sensible and supportive advocate in Doctor R. Our experience with Amy and her dysfunctional ears has taught me that when your child has something wrong with them that can’t be fixed but has to be managed, you need someone you can work with. Someone who respects you and your decision making position, who is informative and helpful, realistic and reassuring and prepared to tell you what you need to know.

It’s also nice to be told you aren’t crazy or hopeless that you think the situation is serious and that you need help to manage it.

And it’s been a busy week for my non-mum self too. Hot on the heals of last week’s new research job I’ve been asked to teach a few craft workshops. Exciting! They aren’t for ages, but since they both involve knitting, I need to get my skates on to do a few sample pieces and write up some pattern instructions. It’s actually a bit overwhelming because I haven’t done it before, but I’m feeling the fear and doing it anyway because I know I’ll love it when I get on a roll.

Amy and I did a photoshoot for my current book project.

My volunteer work at Amy’s child care and kinder (is that my mum or non mum self?) has ramped up a bit this week too. I’m now taking on the position of treasurer, something I am hopelessly underqualified for but which was bestowed upon me as the ‘least weak link’ amongst committee members. For the past year I have served as chair and invested a lot of time and energy, so it is with mixed emotions I move sideways. New tricks for this old dog, and a few projects to finish up from my previous role, so it’s double time on that front.

More dirt moving, more concrete reinforcing and more formwork. More meals to cook for a wonderful friend who has come over and gotten dirty hands and saved D’s back from total devastation.

And planning for the craft weekend next weekend. Constantly trying to reign myself in because really it will be a miracle if I get anything done at all aside from a bit of knitting during the car trip.

And I feel terrible I haven’t managed to get to the give aways again. There’s just been too much of everything else and I keep forgetting and not having time. Being realistic, I’m postponing it for a few weeks.


Nichola said...

Take it easy woman!

h&b said...

Wow - I can't believe how much is on your plate, and yet you're lining up for extra servings !!


Then again, sometimes life is like this, isn't it .. and it's probably only when you start to list things you realise how much of yourself you give .. to others .. leaving none for yourself.

Rest :)

Suse said...

I'm tired just reading all this.

That first photograh is a stunner.

Kirsten said...

hey, good on you for following your baby's medical stuff through. sometimes really tough to do when you wonder if you are over-reacting but well done. you are doing a fantastic job and great you are managing to get some sleep with the new system!

Monique Duke said...

I hope it continues to get easier as you autumn comes and goes!